The art of Wonder.

So, it’s interesting. I remember crying to my mother complaining that everything possible had gone wrong. She would patiently listen to my long list of complaints and as I calmed down waiting to hear her give me words of comfort and empathy she would say, “okay, now what are you grateful for?” UGH! Seriously? I recited my litany of complaints to have to be somehow grateful?

Here’s what I have learned since.

1. There is ALWAYS someone having a worse day that I am

2. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

Let’s take it a step further.
Gratitude is a lovely wonderful goal in life. Some days I am better at it than others. These days I am trying to take a step further.

The thing is, when you spend a great deal of your energy being grateful and positive it is sort of catchy. I find that I am grateful for EVERYTHING. It has changed my way of thinking. It alters the thought process. I literally hear my mother whisper to me, “and what are you grateful for?” when I dive into negativity.

yes. I am grateful for even that way of thinking.

Here’s the awesome side benefit though. I find myself not only being grateful, but actually being in awe of the gifts around me. It’s amazing.

I have always been someone of simple needs. These days if I am able to accomplish something, even the most simplistic of things, I find myself whispering words of gratitude. For example, a few days ago I drove to Rhode Island to bring my youngest home from his freshman year of college. To maximize the space I drove alone. I admit I was nervous about doing so. I don’t think I have ever even stayed in a hotel alone!

This trip held many reasons to be grateful bringing my son home at the top of the list. But there were two other points that stick in my head. First, after much coaxing from my dear husband on the phone, I went out to dinner – yes. alone.

I know, that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it was for me. I have NEVER eaten alone in a restaurant. It seems awkward at best.

but I did it.

and it WAS delicious!

In reality it wasn’t a big deal. I took my iPad, I did some writing, I had a glass of wine and it all worked out just fine.

but I was not only grateful (for my husband pushing me to go) but also for the moment, for the opportunity to take a breath, enjoy a meal and not be all weirded out that I was alone. The meal was wonderful- the down time was wonderful. I was in awe of it all.

Another moment of profound gratitude came the next morning. I was feeling so completely lazy, nearly coma like. I didn’t want to move. After I got out of the shower, I was brushing my soaked hair and looked down to see a blow dryer. I know, I know, most of you are already saying, yes, so?!”.

Here’s the thing. I don’t even OWN a blow dryer.

I convince myself it is because I don’t want to damage my hair. I am not sure that is the reason.

Anyway- I did it. I picked up the blow dryer and dried my hair.

AND IT FELT DELICIOUS!

I am still sort of in awe of how that simple act made me feel. A moment for ME, a moment to take care of myself and feel a little more put together. I was in complete wonder of that moment. The gratitude, the simplicity, the opportunity to feel grateful for even the most simple of things.

And yes, I can hear my mother – and yes Mom, I am in awe of this gratitude thing. I am in wonder- Thank you for this gift.

Wishing you peace-
Susan

The art of loss.

It seems to me that everyone has had loss. Some handle it better than others, however the loss remains. There are movies made about it, cards for it and actual customs associated with it. However loss and how we handle it is deeply personal. It not only is a deeply intricate part of our journey, it also deeply influences our journey.

One of my favorite books written by Mitch Albom – “For One More Day”. In this book the main character has the opportunity to return to his family home and spend one more day with his mother. For him, things begin to fall back into place after making a disaster of his life and in the end there is hope for all. Albom has been criticized as being a sappy writer. Regardless of your opinion of his work I would suggest he gives us all something to think about.

It’s been over three years since my mother left this earth. She was indeed one of the most facinating humans I have ever known. Certainly complicated, incredibly loving, intelligent, strong spirited and incredibly generous, my mother left a huge hole in my life when she died.

To be frank, I haven’t always taken the time to process how I FEEL about that.

I suppose the anticipation of Mother’s Day has raised my conciousness, or spring, or just not being able to pick up the phone and share what is going on in my life. It might be too the sudden loss of someone I truly love recently, or the lady that walked past me in the grocery store whose scent seemed nearly identical to my mothers, but today I miss her terribly.

As I sit in quiet reflection of what this is, and why it is affecting me so profoundly I am wondering exactly what I am supposed to learn today. I admit I have often wished for “one more day” with her. I also struggle to decide what exactly I would do if I had it. Nothing quite seems worthy of such a precious gift.

The great gift about faith is that I firmly believe that somehow her hand is still in my life. I believe there is more after we die. While I find it difficult to not be able to pick up the phone and call her or surprise her with flowers or her favorite chocolate, I KNOW that she is still with me. I suppose the good news is while I have lost her physical presence in my daily life but the memories, the tools of life she has given me and her example not only sustains me but gives me a sense of her daily.

No, this doesn’t negate the loss- but somehow it makes it gives me peace.

So today, the day before Mother’s Day I celebrate the gifts my mother has given me and continues to give me. I will find her in lilacs, butterflies and a beautiful presented meal. I will see her in nature, photographs and the rocking chair she rocked me in as a baby. I will feel her love as she not only loved me deeply, but taught me to love- so she clearly lives on.

If your mother is still with you, I urge you to honor her today, tomorrow and every day. None of us are perfect but love cannot be wrong. If you have lost your mom, first, I’m sorry, and secondly do your best to push away the curtains of sadness to find comfort in that which reminds you of her. She is still with you- allow the loss to turn to appreciation for the gifts you were given by her presence.

Happy Mother’s Day- it is truly a day to celebrate life.
wishing you peace,
Susan

Welcome to May! It is only the 8th and already this month has been quite a roller coaster. As a youth I LOVED roller coasters. My husband and I would go down to the lake where our favorite roller coaster (the Jack Rabbit- the oldest continuously running wooden roller coaster in the United States) waited for us to hop on and take a few rides and move on to the next activity. It was fun, inexpensive and a bit daring.

I confess. Times have changed.

I don’t really like the big ups and downs, turns and twists. But then, I am not nineteen anymore either.

The good thing about roller coasters is that you seem to grow to appreciate the highs where you can see for miles more profoundly after experiencing the horrific lows. Seems like a metaphor for life, but then you knew I was going there, didn’t you?

For me, May 2013 represents a ride on the most intense roller coaster. On this the eighth day of the month, I find myself already wanting to get off and find a nice park bench somewhere to reflect upon the blessings and try to escape the stresses and sadness. Life doesn’t seem to give you a ticket off the ride though- it is all part of the journey. The highs are incredible, however, in a different way, the lows are as well.

One of the things I do NOT enjoy about roller coasters (now) is that it all feels out of control. I don’t feel like I have a moment to breathe and I find it all sort of frightening. Oddly there is a lesson to be learned there. I am NOT in control, not even a little bit, so just like riding a roller coaster I must use the tools I know I possess in order to be successful on the journey.

Here are my tips for a successful “ride”
1. Live with no regrets- while it is probably smart to strap yourself into the roller coaster, you just never know what is going to happen. Being prepared for the ups and downs is probably NOT a bad thing, yes?

2. Speaking of the ups and downs- it’s also important to truly live. Don’t leave angry, say goodnight, remember to use the precious words, “I love you” as often as possible (with meaning!) oh and by the way, please and thank you aren’t such a bad idea either.

3. Laugh- laugh really hard, you know that belly laugh you belt out when you are both scared and thrilled all at the same time? Laugh AND mean it- it’s good for you.

4. Take pictures: you can see forever on a roller coaster- taking pictures in the good times sustains you through some of the lows. Who doesn’t love a good picture?

5. Be grateful- be grateful that you not only got off the roller coaster safely, but for ever possible blessing in your world. Gratitude provides light in the deepest darkness. It’s important and probably one of the most important tools you will ever have besides love.

6. Speaking of love- Love deeply. Love the people close to you, (because you are all on the same ride!) but love everyone else too. The weird guy running the ride, the person that cut in line ahead of you- go ahead, love them- I promise your ulcer will be much smaller.

If life is one big roller coaster ride, I wish you the ability to appreciate every moment. May the highs balance the lows and may you always have a ticket to ride.
wishing you peace-
Susan

I am sort of in awe of the process of my life. Every time I have an ah ha moment I want to shout. This week I had such a moment- I’d like to share it with you.

I’ve always thought that if you work hard good things will come to you. It might not be today or tomorrow, but patience and hard work ALWAYS pays off. I still think so. However, I also think a little splash of tenacity thrown in doesn’t hurt either.

It occurs to me that I accept a great deal about my life, I also think that society has given me sort of a ruler by which I can measure success as well as how things should happen. I think we willingly live inside the box we are assigned to feigning that we are wild and crazy and live outside that same box. Well NO more for me!

This week has been about completing some renovations to Create Art 4 Good- my mission- I want to make it more accessible to both artists as well as patrons. The changes are positive and I am truly excited about the growth of CA4G. It’s been quite a bit of work and I have more to do before we “bloom” again, it is worth every effort I assure you!

In the midst of my work on CA4G, working full time, being a partner, mother, grandmother as well as the other roles I am honored to live every day I have been working on some books. Yep. books. Children’s books, as well as a few for adults. There must be at least forty-five of them or so swimming in my head. I think they have been “cooking” for a really LONG time. I have played at writing for literally decades, never truly finishing anything. I have been working diligently for the last month or so on illustrations for a children’s book creating many paintings with no firm story line.

Then it happened.

I woke up Wednesday- and the words just became so clear to me. Ironically they had NOTHING to do with anything I had been working on except I kept hearing my 12th grade writing teacher’s mantra, “WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW!”

So I did.

Inside of less than two hours (there were quite a few distractions) I completed my first official children’s book.

Here’s my point, I have been working hard preparing for this moment my entire life. I am not suggesting that my efforts have been half hearted, only that there has been something missing. Tenacity. Don’t let what you THINK should happen get in your way. Be brave, be bold, get the work done.

My book is a symbol of possibility to me. I opened the door, worked at my best and am now ready to complete the illustrations. What happened for me Wednesday was that I changed my mindset from “I want to” to I AM.

The power is in your hand my friend- make it happen.
In Peace always,
Susan

I don’t think this will be a long post, but hopefully my thoughts will be more than clear. I feel like in my fifty something years I have never taken the time to truly sit back and observe. Lately I find myself taking it all in and then sort of picking through the bits and pieces at three am when sleep fails me. (You have to do something when you cannot sleep!)

One of the things I have learned is that I love to work hard. I am satisfied, I feel whole, I feel like I added to society in some way. It’s really a good thing.

I tease my mother in law often about her hard working spirit. However truth be told it is truly something I have always admired about her. Even retired, she works harder than most people I know. She gets up early has her day planned and she pushes through with diligence and effort. Truly there is NO slacking for her. One of the things she loves is to garden. She likes to arrange things in just a certain order. One of the latest projects was to create a proper English garden- (please don’t mention that she lives in New York, NOT England!) Mom will not only research to decide what should go into the garden, she will seek out just the proper plants. She will plan and plant, and perfect the space. She does this to the point of digging up and moving trees. FREQUENTLY. No tree is about to stop her composition. She will just simply move it. How many of us would EVER even think of moving a tree let alone doing it when you are a seventy something year old woman!? However, I am reasonably sure that at the end of the day she is satisfied, and I also suspect she sleeps pretty well. (who wouldn’t after moving a tree) Her garden is beautiful, her efforts are clear.

Here’s my point.

Do whatever YOU do well. Work DARN hard at it- NO MATTER WHAT! Living half way seems to inspire misery, discontent, and honestly who needs to inspire that?

Working hard- to the best YOU’VE got- should inspire self-awareness, self-pride, and will positively bloom in the world. How can you possibly lose? I feel like we as humans are afraid to get messy. We don’t want to get dirty, or sweat- (my brother always says, that men sweat, women glisten) or get dirt under our nails, yet that is the VERY thing that gives us life.

So get busy-
Work hard,
DIG UP THOSE Trees-
and bloom
I dare you.

In peace,
Susan

It seems I am on a theme of imperfection, this image sort of continues the theme. The angel has a broken wing, yet I still find her enchantingly beautiful. I am amazed, to be frank at how powerful this statue is in spite of, or perhaps because of her broken wing. It seems to me in her vulnerability is her greatest strength.

Each of us seems to attach our own personal meaning to the idea of an angel. It seems like there is very little play with the middle of the road either you believe or you don’t. Interestingly enough we each seem to have our own vision about the mission of an angel. There have been countless representations in the media from an elderly gentleman to puffy cupids to beautiful sexy angels that teach us life lessons while saving us from some horrible near death experience. I will skip the theology of angels, who can technically become one and who cannot. I believe most will agree that angels are at the very least intended to be positive, a guardian of sorts.

I have many angels in my life. Some I am very well acquainted with, some just a fleeting glance. You have them too. In this spirit of gratitude I am much more aware of my surroundings. I take much more of life in.

When is the last time a total stranger gave you something you truly needed at that moment; it changed your day maybe even your life?

I remember the Christmas after my mother died it was a typical day, I was going through the motions of final preparation for the upcoming holy day. I was scurrying around the grocery store, my heart was heavy and I was anxiously making my way through the store along with most of the rest of the town. People were hustling and bustling to get the next task crossed off their to do list. I remember feeling the urgency of the day as well as frustration that the people in front of me were slowing me down.

then it happened an angel came it changed everything for me
My day, my Christmas

My heart

This angel did not in any way personify the angels Hollywood would like us to choke down. I assure you- he was MY angel-

An elderly man with the clear evidence of a long and challenging life slightly disheveled began singing the carol,”Oh Holy Night” right there in the middle of the organic section of the grocery store. He wasn’t subtle either. People around him just stopped as if the notes coming out of his throat were there to dance on each one of our hearts. His booming spirited voice filled me. Tears streamed down my face, my heart softened, my spirit restored.

That song, that moment, changed me. He was an angel for me.

So was the woman who did nothing more than smile the most sincere smile at me, or my granddaughter who runs to me and throws her arms around me when I pick her up. Included in my list of angels are countless people who took a moment to positively affect another human being. With their honorable intent, doing what they do best to the greatest of their ability.

So today- I wish you the grace of your angels, not just the power of their touch on your life, but your ability to see and appreciate that power.

I wish YOU the ability to BE an angel for someone else. You never really know what you do might mean to someone else. Oh and don’t give me the,”I’m not perfect enough to be angel.”- of course you aren’t, none of us are- but you are beautiful where you are- who you are- you have incredible power!

In peace-
Susan

We humans seem to spend a great deal of time stumbling through this life. I often neglect to take in the very things that give me the greatest joy. I remember someone posting not too long ago that they had seen a DOUBLE rainbow (not even a just a single one) along the same path I had just been at almost exactly the same time. They posted a picture on facebook. Yet I sat there confused, how on earth had I missed this?

They say that you learn and Relearn your lessons until you learn them well. I would suggest that based on my personal experience this is VERY true. It is clear to me that I miss the little things all too often. I get caught up in the next task or deadline and miss the double rainbows. Busy creates a situation where we seem to blunder through life, missing the daisies that are peaking through the cracks of the sidewalk, or the soft falling snow decorating our world with winter wonder.

Do you remember the last time you entered someone’s home and their efforts of the day were clear to your senses? The amazing scent of home cooking and the visual steaming pots suggested not only the obvious opportunity for nourishment, but indeed a form of love, bestowed upon those invited to their table. How about a hand-made thank you note from your favorite niece or nephew? First- WOW a thank you note (a dying art) and secondly, how lovely that she took the time to create her masterpiece just for you?

I have a friend who teaches me repeatedly the art of gratitude for what I consider to be “a little thing”. My friend has had health challenges her entire life, she handles her challenges with grace and tenacity. Recently her challenges have become more complicated. She now has an even more limited diet to go along with her usual menu of challenges and eating the wrong thing could make her incredibly ill and even send her to the hospital. Many of us wouldn’t handle that terribly well. Food is so much more than nourishment, it is used to celebrate, to mourn, to heal and to comfort.

My friend taught me gratitude for simple things. Countless times I have received a cheery text from her sharing that I have “made her day” or that my strawberry jam is “more precious than gold”. I find this so funny because I truly enjoy making food in my kitchen. As for the jam- We pick the berries and process within hours. I feel like “Susie Homemaker” (no pun intended). There is a sense of pride in what I do. It’s a GOOD thing for me, but to be able to share is even better. Still, jam is a simple thing. It is only unique because so often it seems no one has the opportunity any more. The ease of the grocery store coupled with our hectic lives make the act of homemade canned goods sort of a rarity. However, I assure you- the gratitude of my friend inspires me incredibly. Her kindness every time she cracks open a jar of preserves blesses ME much more than I could ever venture to bless her.

It’s the little things.

Today, I wish you something simple that gives you life, settles your heart, or makes you feel appreciated.

In Peace,
Susan

It’s the little things…

The art of preparing for Christmas

I am sure you have noticed that the stores have been decorated and are all plumned out for the holidays. Many have complained that it happens earlier every year. BJ’s wholesale club actually had Christmas decorations out in AUGUST. Yes, you read that right… August.

To those of us who hold this as a sacred time this seems to take away some of the specialness of the holiday. For me, Christmas is not just a day to join with my family and friends spoiling them just a bit with gifts and goodies, it is a Holy day.

Advent is a time of prayer and preparation. Christians believe that this is the time of devoted preparation before the birth of our Savior. It is not about the stockings hung by the chimney with care, (although that part is fun too) it is about the anticipation of the Christ Child.

I have often wondered what it must have been like to be any one of the humans who were in attendance at the birth of Christ. Mary’s head must have been swimming, a virgin, unmarried, and without her mother or any other female support system giving birth to the Savoir of the world. Joseph- engaged to an honorable woman, yet she is pregnant and certainly not by him, what trust he must have had. The Wisemen… they left their homes, their safety to worship this infant whom they KNEW was the Savior- the shepherds, the Inn Keepers, even the animals- what a profound event. I wonder if they could have truly understood on any level what was really happening, or the magnitude of it.

These thoughts are with me pretty much every year at this time. I remember my mother asking me once when I was a rather young child what gift I was going to give Jesus.

This question left me perplexed. What did Jesus need? How could I possibly give him anything? How would I wrap it?

These and many more questions puzzled my young brain.

Through the years, Christmas has taken on many meanings. Rich with tradition and full of love; rarely are there years that I don’t learn something or grow in some way. This year, yes, on November fifteenth, before the turkey has even been carved or the Macy’s day parade has been aired – I have learned something.

The greatest gift I will receive this year will be the adoption of three wonderful families. (Of course I will appreciate anything I receive from my family and friends- however their true gift to me is their presence in my every day life.)These families NEED. I just want. They offer ME the opportunity to give something that will actually make a difference, and they remind me of just how much I have to be thankful for.

For me- these families represent the Christ child. My childhood frustrations are calmed as I am able to actively do something for someone else. It is clear to me that this is yet another bit of proof that we are all in this together.

Before you think I too- am jumping the gun- suggesting we prepare for Christmas before we celebrate all we have to be grateful for, I will remind you that this is ALL about the gratitude- Adopting these families is an opportunity for ACTIVE gratitude-

Open your heart, just a little to someone else- it is the greatest gift you can give YOURSELF. It doesn’t take very much- a few dollars in a red kettle, adopting a family in need, volunteering at a shelter. There are countless opportunities to be kind to your fellow man. Do it, I dare you…

In gratitude & in peace
Susan