Fifty-one

Well, just in case you think every day is roses and sunshine, I am here to confess,
it is not.
Today I decided to take some time to fill up
the amazing set of card catalog drawers my sons gave me for my birthday.
NOT ONLY would I be more organized,
thus facilitating ease of creation,
but also I wouldn’t stress so much about the gallery and it’s appearance.

Well, this was a MUCH large task than anticipated.

First, I became completely overwhelmed by how many drawers I had.
I actually had to decide what to put in them!
I was excited and nervous and well, overwhelmed.

THEN
I opened a box- and overwhelmed does not even begin to share how I felt.

It was a box full of my mother’s art supplies.
Honestly,
it broke my heart.

My mom died about four and a half years ago.
Some days it seems like just yesterday.
Some days it seems like a million years.

On any day- I’d rather have her than all of her at supplies.
I suppose that was a no brainer, right?
Touching things that she had used to create art made me so incredibly sad,
yet also to feel closer to her.
It was a mixed blessing to be sure.

I sat with them a while before finding a place of honor to put them.

Sobbing.
It was good. I lived in the moment.
I allowed sadness to leak out.
I DID NOT hold back.

So today, I was grateful to take a moment to grieve.
I know it sounds crazy- but it was indeed a blessing for me.

I AM grateful.

mom christine and I
Miss you, Mamacita-

Susan

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About Susan

I am a human, just like everyone else. My roles in life, mother, daughter, sister, grandmother, friend…artist, advocate of arts and humans has brought me to this place. I support the arts, my fellow artists, while supporting my community, and supporting those in need

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