it’s starting to be real…

In June I left my position of nearly thirteen years to live the little girl (and big girl) dream of being a “REAL” artist 24/7. I no longer have to divide my time or my energy with two full-time positions, but one. ONLY ONE. 

I could have never anticipated what happened next

First, I am well aware that life does not roll out like it does in the movies. The main character whom you have cherished during the previous 79 minutes of the film gets her dream after enduring and overcoming every possible obstacle. All the sentimentals in the theater get a heavy dose of dopamine as the credits roll and all is right in the world. What we don’t see is the main character’s struggle AFTER the credits roll. What we don’t understand is that even when dreams come true it does not guarantee success nor does it ignore the fact that it is usually a heck of a lot of work. 

AND…there is the fact that the entire game has changed. What you have done for decades you are no longer required to do. There is comfort in routine. There is comfort in having a backup to your dream plan. There is comfort in knowing that you have your fingers in several pies… 

So, all of that said, this is a very vulnerable time for me. I am trying to focus in spite of a few unexpected challenges. I am trying to build the new road and focus my energy.

Here’s the thing. This is scary stuff. The summer has been hot and humid. That encompassing overwhelming feeling you get on a really hot and humid day is sort of how my spirit has felt for these last two months. 

But today- I woke up, and I felt stronger. The air had that autumn crispness to it. I feel rested for the first time in months. I feel like I was able to make a difference in this day. I feel strong. I feel focused. 

The new normal isn’t always a linear path. Sometimes you have to dig around to find out where the road is and set with intent the destination. I have dreamt about a vocation as an artist since I was a very little girl. I have felt the joys and balance of my own spirituality and wonder every single time I have held a colored pencil or paintbrush. I believe that this step is vital in my pure authentic life.

Today I do not have to rely on my faith of this to feel the rightness of it. My footing is solid, my hopes feel like a plan and I am secure in the next step. 

Today, I am actually understanding that while the struggle was real (and might be again tomorrow or even this afternoon) the light for this path is on full strength. I am secure in the unknown, I am equipped to handle the path and I am joyfully accepting of the darkness. It is in that darkness where I have found the brightest of lights. 

The dream is real. There is a plan. There is a paintbrush,,,it awaits. 

I pray you find your dream- I pray you have the courage to live it 100%. 

with great big love and gratitude, 

Susan

the struggle is real but the faith is big!

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