I knew it was going to be a busy day yesterday, I had commitments, I had deadlines, my plate was full. These days I feel like I am getting better at pulling off the impossible. My expectations are high and I do set maybe a little above realistic goals and achieve them.
It seems most days I wake up with a schedule in my head, a carefully timed day; knowing exactly what was on the to do list and when I had to be where. I woke up yesterday KNOWING what I was going to post about day 2. There is a saying, “when man makes plans, God laughs”- true, very true. By 10am my schedule was already messed up. Often I admit when this happens it throws the entire day off. Yesterday I decided to just go with it and continue to get the rest of my all too crowded “to do’ list completed.
I walked through the day open to what was going to happen next. Some of the things that did happen I could have NEVER ever planned on. But a few hours later, I can see where they were an opportunity to connect with another human being or have an important discussion, or just actually be doing what I am supposed to be doing. It was good.
One thing on the schedule I was dreading for the entire day. It was another wake. I have attended far too many wakes this year. It has been a time of great personal loss. As I moved through my day I found myself thinking of Carol. She was an incredible woman. Her smile even in the darkest of times lit up a room. She was one of the most beautiful souls I have ever had the honor to meet. Going to her wake was obviously something I believed I should do, but driving to a funeral home felt like the worst possible idea ever.
I loved her- so I did it. I won’t fib, it wasn’t easy. But it wasn’t about me. It was about honoring a woman who changed people by her presence. It was about sharing some love with her sister who adored her and took care of her until the last moment. It was about family.
In the end, Carol gave me yet another gift. She gave me the opportunity to spend some time with my family and just be. She gave me a break in the insanity of life to celebrate her, to celebrate life, to honor the countless gifts I have been given. Though our hearts were heavy, there was laughter and joy. It was restorative, it was magical. It affirmed to me how deeply blessed I am.
So day 2 of 100? I am overwhelmingly blessed. I am grateful.
Thank you, Carol-
I wish you peace.
Susan
